My boys are one year old this weekend. It has been one very long and challenging year, and yet has been the fastest and the best year of my life. It’s been a whirlwind of nappies and spew, washing and bottles, (and washing bottles, that job is definitely on my hate list). But it’s also been a blur of pure happiness and love… So, so much love.
I have laughed so much my face hurts and cried that many times I couldn’t count. The lump in my throat when someone is sick, that moment of bliss when someone sleeps on your chest and when they call you ‘mum’ when you walk into the room. I have learnt so much in a short period of time. Here are my reflections about the past year.
- It’s been the hardest and the best year of my life. Did you know they do a marathon in Antarctica? It’s the most gruelling one in the world. I don’t wanna brag, but I feel I’ve run that. Practically.
- Mum guilt is real. I never thought I’d question myself as much as I do. Am I hugging them both enough? Have I stimulated their little minds today? Does throwing pots and pans on the floor count as teaching? Will the time I let them cry for a minute so I could catch a breath affect them long term? I am slowly realising this will probably never go away, although I’ve recently decided that I’ve honestly done my best.
- Projectile shit is REAL. Yep, it’s a thing, and to be honest, it’s not that great either. Ever changed your baby in the early days when you’re about to go somewhere and get covered in mustard coloured poo? I have. It shoots out with missile precision.
- I’ve become THAT person. The one that doesn’t message back. I hate it. I reply to messages and someone always needs me before I hit send. Or I reply in my mind. It’s not personal at all so I apologise to everyone I have done this to in the last 9 months. I’m getting better I swear.
- I haven’t slept in a year… And I’m still alive! You do adjust to it, I promise. We had a period of time were the boys were sleeping 7 til 7, then we had a couple months of sickness and their sleep has never recovered. I’m still waiting.
- All the rules I had went out the window. No tv until they are two I said. Ha! I broke that one when they were 4 months old and I needed 5 minutes of sanity. I will never give them jar food. Or hot chips.
- The first 12 weeks are really, really, super duper hard. With newborns you really have the maternal urge to cuddle them all day, every day, but with two it’s really hard to juggle. Every day I’d ask myself if I hugged one more than the other, and most of the time I realised the unsettled twin was on the receiving end and the other one was sleeping in the bouncer next to me. It’s the hardest when parenting twins. And mum guilt starts again.
- But… It REALLY is double the love. At the moment I have two extremely affectionate boys that shower me with hugs all day. It’s the bomb.
- If I want my husband to do something, I need to ask. Apparently he’s not a mind reader. Funny, because men seem to know ‘everything.’ Just kidding, babe, I know everything.
- Washing sucks. It’s a daily, vicious cycle and I hear it was the most famous Chinese torture method used. I actually don’t think that’s true because I may have made it up. But imagine.
- Being a stay at home mum can be lonely. Especially if you’re housebound due to sickness. It’s so important to get out of the house when you can so you don’t start going Britney crazy. Put the shaver away, girlfriend. Oh and when you start finding Jimmy Giggle from Giggle and Hoot attractive it’s time to have some adult interaction.
- I can actually get ready in under ten minutes. Sorry husband, I’m surprised too. Life as I know it has changed.
- I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing 90 percent of the time. Motherhood, well I mainly wing it. What’s right one day is totally wrong the next and every baby’s different. That instinct takes over and, well it just works.
I couldn’t have survived the first year without my husband, the housework extraordinare. Or my mum, whose pearls of parenting wisdom have shaped me into the mother I’m becoming. Or my friends, some old ones and some new, who I feel like I’ve known for a lifetime.
So as a year closes upon us, one thing is absolutely certain. I have never felt such a sense of completion and purpose. I have never felt such an overwhelming sense of protection. I have never felt such a heart-exploding-out of my chest abundance of pure love as I do for my sons. The sleepless nights, well it all melts away when I see their smiles.
Happy first birthday, my special boys. And happy first birthday to me too. We made it. I think I deserve that push present now, husband.